Dream Loot Crate – A Box of Things and Stuff

loot-crate

I read a post recently (read as in 10 minutes ago) by Matthew on his blog Matt-in-the-Hat which informed me of an inspiring movement on sharing your ideal Loot Crate. Loot crate is a subscription mystery box service that caters to many different types of fandoms, based off of monthly themes. I myself have been subscribed to their Loot Anime service for around 6 or 7 months, but recently canceled it due to being unsatisfied as for the most part, nothing really did it for me personally. So with that said here is my dream Loot Crate idea… suggestion… thing. I promise, it’s TOTALLY reasonable. Continue reading

To Sub or to Dub? That is the Question…

Whether ’tis nobler in the eyes to suffer
the slings and arrows of consistent text,
Or to take ears against the original content
and by opposing hear English. To dub, To sub…
That is the question.

Ruining Shakespeare aside, when it comes to Anime, there’s always been a divide between people who watch the subs, and the people who watch the dubs. Now when I say divide, I mean there’s this huge uncrossable gap that’s been fueled by hate and blood through many years of war. This war has gone on for so long in fact, that the original reason for fighting, has been lost to the ages, other than the remnant words “sub” and “dub.”

Now that you know the state of affairs in our domain, I can proceed to educate you on the proper way to watch anime. In fact, not just anime, any foreign visual media! The proper way to do so… Is to watch the SUBS. That’s right you dub-scum, I’m about to go on a cherry picking bias adventure to show you why Dubs are just completely the worst things ever. So if you want to argue to me that Full Metal Alchemist, or Dragon Ball Z had good dubs, then be warned, I’m pretending the dubbed versions of those shows do not exist. In fact I’ll go so far as to show only 2 examples of clips to make my case and point, because that’s how far my bias glasses are willing to go.

First off we have Steins;Gate. That’s right that beloved sc-fi anime show with time travel. There’s a scene where Okabe and Suzuha go around looking for a button. When he comes across a black man he speaks in Jive to him. This comes off as racist. So I guess Okabe is racist in the dubbed version… and this brings down my rating for the show from 10/10 to 1/10. I can’t believe they completely ruined his character in the dubbed version. He’s not even the same character anymore. Might as well call him Hououin Kyouma or something ridiculous like that. I would know he’s not the same anymore, I read the visual novel before I watched the anime. Does that relate to my point in any way? No, no it does not, but my status is clearly elevated as a Steins; Gate fan. Duh.

Oh, you’re saying he’s still coming off as racist in the original, pure, clean, and perfect Japanese version? WELL, that’s where you’re wrong buddy. Japanese people in Japan, generally assume you don’t speak Japanese if you look like a foreigner. Basically if you don’t look Asian, you don’t speak Japanese, and they’re probaly right on that one. So you see, Okabe is just your normal Japanese guy. PLUS the vendors Japanese is clearly a bit choppy, so he wasn’t to far off the block with his assumption. We see more of this evidenced in the visual novel.

Moving on, we have the absolute PINNACLE of English dubbing in anime…

I have no words for this debacle. Other than it’s clearly the perfect example to sum English dubs as a whole. I mean they took Saint Seiya, and ABSOLUTELY RUINED IT. This beautiful classic about golden haired pretty boys, in beautiful armor that go around saving the world, and galaxy, and universe with supernatural powers AND FRIENDSHIP has been completey dismantled by English dubs. (Disclaimer: I have never watched Saint Seiya, nor do I know the first thing about it.) This is an unforgivable crime against Anime. All of you who prefer dubs like to pretend this is a forgivable crime, or worse… You pretend it doesn’t exist. How dare you cry out to me with the names Edward Elric, and Goku, when they’ve destroyed Saint Seiya. HOW DARE YOU.

So now that I’ve showed you the error of you ways, I hope you can redeem your self and abandon all dubs. As for you sub-ers out there, stay strong for the sake for the long road ahead. LONG LIVE THE SUBS, DOWN WITH THE DUBS.

This has been a work of Satire.

A Big Order of Plot Armor

I’ll grant your wish. BOOM. World ended. QQ, GG, GTFO. That pretty much sums up the premise to Big Order.  The show may not have finished as yet, but the fodder is sufficient for the criticism cannon. Minor or major spoilers may encroach. Thou hast been warned.

So I finally got around to seeing what Big Order is all about, and what I learned was that it’s all about fan service. Err, I mean it’s about Hoshimiya Eiji and how he destroyed the world and what he does afterwards. That’s an interesting concept, having our main character be the bad guy that… Oh, he didn’t do it on purpose? He’s trying to fix the world? So you’re telling me this is just a post-apocalyptic world saving story? Alright then… That’s not to say it isn’t an interesting premise as the situation he’s thrown in itself is interesting, and makes you wonder how everything will turn out.

But while Big Order had some promise with its premise, the delivery has absolutely devoured that promise, and spit it out as a lifeless cringe fest of convenient power loopholes. I can command you to do my bidding! Oh, cute headphones. Are those in fashion now? PLOT ARMOR. I can control air and gravity! You use water? How do I command THAT? PLOT ARMOR.  I command all of you and can tell you what to do such that you must obey me! Oh wait, you’re threatening my sister with someone I have control over? Crap. PLOT ARMOR.

But hey, at least you get to see sunbeams piercing through caves to “hide some fan service” (Ren’s Translation: draw your attention to it). That’s right, you don’t even get the fan service unless you buy the disk set in the future, or at least that’s our theory behind these censors. Not looking for fan service? Then prepare to be very disappointed, because Big Order sure delivers on SOMEONE’S big order of fan service. I hope they’re happy whoever they are.

Eiji

Our hero contemplates Plot Armor.

So far, with a show called “Big Order” I think I would have preferred it to be about some guy who makes big orders at fast food restaurants and eats them in one sitting. This would gain him notoriety as a foodie, and he’d eventually find himself in food eating completions, which he begrudgingly joins after his friends push him to do so. By the end of the story, he’ll want to win for his own reasons and be up against a rival he gained through these tournaments. He wins, gets the prize money and achieves whatever purpose it is he found for himself. Yeah, I’d watch that. Sounds like a silly fun ride. What we HAVE though is, a great sounding idea that has so far fallen flat on it’s face.

Advent of the Nonsensical Whimsical

Concerning the undefined; on occasion, one may find oneself being tasked with an impossible task.  Opening a portal to the inside of a Wonderball.  Extracting the Omega 13 device with a stick of gum and a paperclip.  Living at the center of the sun to overcome the negative effects of Kryptonite.  Finding an assistant who can send a compressed imprint of a human brain through a microwave in the hopes of not turning a human into a gel-nana. Wait…

HOWEVER. Supposing the task can be accomplished in its impossibility, what fundamental right can prevent oneself from attempting such a feat? Continue reading